Let’s just blow past the fact that I haven’t written anything here in 5 months, shall we?
When was the last time you sat down with yourself and thought about your values?
And I mean really thought about them, like… sitting at the dining table with a notebook and pen, while your kids/boyfriend/dog/roommate/whatever is asleep thought about them.
You probably know off-hand what’s important to you, and I’m sure you can sit there and rattle off a list back at me: family, friends, happiness…..
Who taught you to value those things? Your parents? Society?
Tonight I want to talk about what you value, and not only that – I want to discuss your core values.
WHAT’S A CORE VALUE?
Core values are traits or qualities that you consider your highest priorities, deeply held beliefs, and core, fundamental driving forces. They are the heart of what you stand for in the world.
In other words, this is the stuff you feel in your bones. It runs in your blood and makes up your heart and soul.
I think there’s a lot of people in the world that are disconnected from their core values – from themselves. I think people are overworked, burnt out, moving too fast and stressed out. Things are rough right now, and we need to check in with ourselves. I believe when we can identify our core values, we’ll spend more time on what’s important to us and less time on what isn’t. Our lives are less stressful and more happy when we live by our values. Some of which can be difficult to live up to or other priorities can get in the way and I totally get that, life is hard – it ebbs and flows and nothing ever stays perfect. Which is why it’s a good idea to check in with yourself every once in a while!
Something I want you to keep in mind is this:
Your values are YOURS.
They make you who you are.
They don’t have to be the same as your best friends.
They don’t have to be the same as your parents.
They definitely don’t have to be the same as societies.
I think a lot of the time we try to surround ourselves with people that share our values, which is great. It’s great to have people in our lives that want the same things as us. But it’s also not the end all be all. If your best friend is a super creative person that values art, it’s okay if you’re not into that yourself. We can encourage the people around us and take an interest in what they’re interested in without changing ourselves to fit their mold or ideals.
You don’t need to pretend something is important to you if it’s not and you don’t need to feel like what you value is less than what someone else values. You owe it to yourself to know who you are and what’s important to you. You owe it to your heart, mind, and soul. Because when we have a rock solid foundation of ourselves we make it that much harder for someone else to come into our lives and disrupt things. We make it harder for people to take advantage of us. When we know ourselves to our core, it’s easier for us to say NO to what we don’t believe in. To what we don’t want. Which is something that can be really hard to do sometimes, especially for a lot of females.
Of course getting to know ourselves and becoming who we are isn’t just an overnight thing, it’s something you have to work really hard and long on. Knowing your values is a step in the right direction.
SO, how do we figure out what our values are?
First, I want you to think about what’s most important to you in the world. Other than your basic human needs, what do you need in life to be a fulfilled and thriving person?
What makes you happy? What helps you live your best life? Write these things down in your notebook. Try not to think too hard about them, let them come to you naturally. Write as many things down as you want.
When you’re done, try to take similar things you’ve written down and put them into groups. Then identify those groups as values. If you need help you can look up lists of core values on Google, but try to do this after you’ve made your own lists. Try to end up with a list of 5-10.
Something that’s important to me and my happiness is art. Not just one type in particular. I love art in pretty much any form. Poetry, photography, makeup, painting, music, home decorating. Looking at this, I’d say that one of my core values is creativity.
Another good way to think about values is to think of the people we look up to. Who inspires you? Who do you respect? What do you think their values are? What strengths or qualities do they have that you admire? Maybe this is a family member, someone in your community, a celebrity, a musician, perhaps someone you follow on social media.
A lot of times our values are passed down by family and the society we live in. This can be good or bad. Maybe you agree with your family values, maybe they’re totally healthy and they make sense. Great! Easy! However we don’t want to hold onto toxic values just because our friends, family or society tells us to. A lot of the time those people don’t even know their thinking is toxic. Because of this it’s good to look at the people around us and think about their values too. Think about who raised you, what are their values? Also think about the people you spend the most time with, what are their values?
Here’s mine, I think ;), and in no particular order.
I hope this helps you! I hope this helps you connect (or re-connect) with yourself, know yourself and helps make your beliefs stronger.
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