Everything seems to be either one side or the other:
If you want something you need to work hard and do what it takes to make it happen.
If it’s meant to be it will be.
I’m at a crossroads.
Today a thought popped into my head. What if the thing I’ve been trying to force my entire life isn’t meant to be, and that’s why it hasn’t worked out? Then of course my next thought was: but what if I need to work harder to make it happen?
How do I choose a side?
How do I know where to draw the line? Is there supposed to be some sort of balance? Compromise? A point on the line between making the life I want and embracing the life I’m meant to have?
Do I hustle my whole life trying to make ‘the dream’ happen? What if it never happens? What if it’s not the right thing for me but I’m so stubborn I can’t see that? Do I let go of the dream and hope another one comes along, one that DOES happen? One that’s meant to be? What if I make the wrong decision? Can I go back and pick the other option later on if I do? Will it be too late then?
I have a lot of questions. I don’t have a lot of answers. It’s harder once you have kids, because your decisions aren’t just effecting you anymore. I most certainly do not want to be the reason for ‘messing up’ their lives. Although I’m sure no matter what I do I’ll be blamed for that anyway.
Maybe I should make a pros and cons list.
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flowers and feminism 
I totally feel you here. I’m getting to a point in my life where i feel like my having depression is more of a factor in whether or not I’ll succeed than other things. Yet, our whole lives we were told that if you try hard enough, you can accomplish anything.
From what I’ve heard from successful people, i.e. people that are happy with their lives, it’s more about turning failure into serendipity than trying to force things to work.
But like you’re saying, sometimes it’s hard to distinguish when it’s time to move on from something that you’ve been working at.
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I think it’s okay to be unsure. You’ll grow, and while you grow you’ll be able to distinguish what to hold onto and what to let go. Xx
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thanks so much for your kind words ❤
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