You know those days that happen where you feel like the worlds worst mom?
I mean logically you know you aren’t, because Casey Anthony is still alive, but there’s those days where your mind is like NOPE you’re definitely the worst mom out there right now. Today is one of those days for me. Mabyn was up late last night. Indie was up early this morning. Last week was completely mentally exhausting for me. I am very, very tired. The morning started off okay, although Indie listens like crap lately. Mabyn woke up a bit later on, and she seemed okay too. Then her swing stopped working, and she pooped while she was in it. It was everywhere. Her, her clothes, the swing, the couch, the blanket on the couch, the floor, me. From then on she wouldn’t stop screaming and crying. I did every single thing I could think of to get her to stop. Floor, couch, highchair, play mat, my bed, her bed, holding her, holding her standing, holding her sitting, the wrap. The wrap was the last thing I tried and after a bit of a fight she fell asleep for a few minutes. Alas, I have a 3 year old. Indie kept trying to play with me which is totally understandable but I was attempting to get her to play quietly and nothing was going right. Mabyn woke up. The screaming and crying resumed. Finally after more trying to console her, I put her down in her bed so I could make her a bottle. She screamed herself to sleep while I was making it (which makes me feel like crap, and also means a wasted bottle). When I came back from checking on her I found that Indie had (despite being allllmost completely potty trained) peed on my kitchen floor. During all of this Indie basically watched Netflix the entire time, breaking only for stints of playing Doctor Olson and requesting another strawberry muffin. Eventually I convinced her to lay in her room while watching Paw Patrol on the ipad so that I could attempt to regain my sanity for a few minutes. I sat at my dining table. About 10 minutes went by and she banged on her bedroom door, her ipad died and she had shit on the floor. Of course. Now it’s back to the living room. Robocar Poli is on my TV. Mabyn is still asleep in her bed. All three of my animals are being quiet. My head is telling me everything is my fault because I suck at parenting. I have two and a half more hours to get through before my husband gets home. My house, despite my best efforts early this morning, is a mess – which makes me anxious. I have absolutely no desire to do anything productive with the rest of the day at this point.
I am sitting on my couch in the midst of it all.
I feel shitty. I feel grateful. I want to tell you it’s okay to feel both at the same time. Or just one. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to have bad days. Or bad hours. Or bad weeks. I didn’t want to post this to whine, or bum you out, or scare you off, or make you feel bad for me. I didn’t want to post this to spread negativity. I wanted to post in solidarity with anyone else having a bad day. Let this post remind you that it’s not just you that has them. It’s not just you who thinks you’re the worst mom in the world. I promise if you’re thinking that, then it means you’re not and you will get through this shitty day. Tomorrow, or the next day, will be better.